are you still at the devil's house?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
