I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
