just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
