Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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