maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
