Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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