How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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