I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I DEMAND FORESKIN
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
