Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
