Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
