Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
