Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just pee around me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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