We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
