I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
