My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
