I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
