Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
