Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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