ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
