please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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