I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
