Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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