Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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