just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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