I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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