I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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