we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
