Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
