Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
