we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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