I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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