You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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