Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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