I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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