I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
