ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
