why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
