Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
