and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
