Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
