Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
