Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
