should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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