i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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