i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
