6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish my penis had an off switch
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
