So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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