that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
