My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
