Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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