One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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