shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I still have a little drunk in my system
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
